Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
