i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
