I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
