Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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