I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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