Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
