just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
