I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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