I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
