I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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