I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
