the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
