I got chris browned last night
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize