it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
