Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
