I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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