Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
