I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
