...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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