I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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