And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
