At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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