the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
