i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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