Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
