Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
