I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
