i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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