I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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