Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
