You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
