I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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