What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
