whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
