someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
