garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think im going to throw up on grandma
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my liver is dry heaving
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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