but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
