Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
