I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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