Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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