My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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