when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
