I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
