Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
