i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
