i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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