i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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