EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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