Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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