a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Less talking, more tequila
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
