I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
