Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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