I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
