Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
