blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
