It's just like the Real World with babies
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
