when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Text me some of your sweat
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
