i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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