k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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