Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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