im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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