She's JV to your varsity
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
