The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
