Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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